raaaaain

so , i love this weather .

no not really , i much prefer sunshine and warmth -.-

right now its thundering so loud my house is like shaking ,

but i love hearing it . the sound of storms is like a lullaby to me 

it's the best . (: anyways , honestly today it was hot sunny and

humid one minute and like hurricane the next ? 

and repeated that like 3 times . i sound like a weather forecaster 

but im really sick of it , i waaaant suuuummmer weather ! =(

yeeah so i found my henna from like 2 year ago ! aha i have like

4 tattoos now , what else is there to do honestly -.-

i want real ones though . (y) not now obv .

wooooooooh so i'm really bored , its okay to use a console when

its like hurricane weather ... righhhht ? LOL whatever i'm doing it anyway .

2am

here i am again , blogging in the AM's for idk what reason ?

i really can't sleep , im like wide awake LOL . again .

maybe dark chocolate ain't such a good idea before bed eeeeh ? ;D

lmfao . whatever it's summer , which just so happens to be half over ,

and the weather is so damn weird . it was hailing today like wtf !

anyways i've been xbox-ing more than usual lately . ALOT more than usual

ahah . only when it rains and shit , cause the second its warm im gone ! =D

i miss my bestfriend like mad , but it's not tooo long before she gets back ,

so yaaaay ! :D 

mmmm what elseee ... yeeah so i have three fake nails left .

DONT ask . yes they did stay on from friggen grad . >.>

bio gel = never again aha . i kinda miss the one on my right index

finger though , it made a good guitar pick ( y ) .

i love guitar honestly . last lesson this week ! but 

i'll sign up AGAIN for sure . plus i have like the best teacher ,

won't go to anyone else . WHY am i blabbing about this . -.-

im so bored . did i mention i have 7 mosquito bites on only my left leg ?

like what is this ! one limb is tastier than the other ? geeez .

anyways , im reeeally bored . but im sure you already knew that .

gaaaasp ! i never really blogged about downtown did i ...

well nothing that special i go all the time ,

but i got docs ! woooh . i've been looking for them for a while now ,

i had like 50 pairs when i was little , no lie ahah . they were patent

with rainbow laces ; every pair . (:

i love my new ones , they go with everything 'specially dresses and all that jaaaazzz .

i got a few more things like blahblahblah but whatever

no need to blooog . im so bored still !

i wish my dad never sold the fisheye lens . =( damn .

it was tiiiime ago but i guess he never really thought i'd want it .

eugh whateverrr .

i want my braces off . like i complain about them everyday , i friggen

hate them . i hope my smile looks alright after , like i hope all that 

was really worth it ahah . >.>

anyways , i should try to sleep . oh follow me on twitter , btw .

sorry for the boring ass post , you honestly just wasted your time LOL !

woooooooooh ,

aha kay so it's like 1am , but i can't sleep and i'm superduper boooored .
LOL i love how amazingly loaft i am with my blogspot ,
like i just slap a picture up there everytime instead of doing a whole helen marzec move. ;)
ahahah layout change everydaaaay girly .
well my summer's been getting a bit better pretty much cause the weather is nicer
and i can go out more ! =D finally geeez , not as boring .
i mean it wasn't bad before but i'd only go out like twice a week :/
i hate the rain . but yeah it's warm lately hope it stays that waaay ( y )
woooh i went downtown the other day . yeeeah i love it there ,
'cept it smeeells from all the dang garbage . =( and milica's ,
for the past two days LOL . saturday was live , i don't even know
but it was pretty sweet . yesterday too , we just chilled cause my mom was
working close by . idk why i'm blogging about this . >.>
im sooo bored . & hungry ? wow wtf LOL kbye

♫♥

The night is deafening when the silence is listening
And I'm down and my knees, and I know that something is missing.
Because the back of my mind is holding things I'm relying in
But I choose to ignore it because I'm always denying them

I'm a bit of a manic when it's not as I plan it
Cause I start losing my head and then I get up in a panic
Remember when we were kids and always knew when to quit it
Are we denying a crisis or are we scared of admitting it?

I don't want to know

I just want to run to you
And break off the chains, and throw them away
I just want to be so much
And shake off the dust that turned me to rust
Sooner than later, I need a savior, I need a saviour

It won't ever change if you want it to stay the same
I really hate it but I know it's hard to choose if you're chained
And when it's all you control cause you've got nothing left to hold
You're getting tighter and tighter, it's getting harder to let it go

I don't want to know

I just want to run to you
And break off the chains, and throw them away
I just want to be so much
And shake off the dust that turned me to rust
Sooner than later, I need a saviour
I need a saviour

Stand me up and maybe I won't be so small
Free my hands a feet and maybe I won't always fall...
save me

..

i know you lied to me ..
you didn't have to , you could have just told me ..
and you could have just told me you wanted me out of your life from the start .
i can take that . its hard , but i can .
what i can't take is how you always found it so easy to shut me out .
leave me confused .
it hurts , in case you didn't know ..
i thought we were close , but i guess you just don't feel the same .
and as always , i just wanted your friendship . i never did you wrong ,
i've never been mad at you or said one bad thing about you in my life .
so why did you do it ?
why do you shut me out ?
why did you have to hurt me like that ?
i was there for you ... through it all . it's been rough but we stuck together ,
i've done everything i can to fix what's been happening for a year .
i didn't have to help like i did ,
but i did it because i love you . not because i wanted something in return .
i did it because you mean the world to me ... you can deny it but i know i put you
first before anybody in my life ... him . my family . myself . your first ,
always .
i thought you knew that . & i thought you cared , but it just doesn't feel like it .
if there was a reason for all of this ... a real good one ... i would have fixed it
by now . i can understand if i did something wrong to you
or hurt you but i have no idea what it is . and if its something silly ...
im only human , i can't be perfect . i could have gotten mad at you
for all of this ... but i dont want to . i just want to make it better ,
find out what's bothering you . and i've never bad mouthed you , ever .
and i'm so tired of trying to win back a friendship that i've already earned ...
that i thought we had . why am i struggling to keep our friendship when you seem like
you don't even want it anymore ? because i can't let go of you , like i said you mean so much to me .
why am i struggling to keep our friendship
strong , against others that you always said never mattered ?
... and now they're so important . that confuses me .
all the things you said about them to me ... and now you choose them over me ...
im not jealous i just don't understand .
and why let some of them make decisions for you ? .. you were never like that ..
im not mad . i've never been mad at you ... but why do you play games with
my head like that ? and you've chosen such awful times to do it too .
and then you say its nothing and dont want to talk about it when i try to solve it .
do you really not want my friendship that badly ... ? .. please just tell me . it's literally killing me .
i just want you to be happy .. and it feels like its a chore sometimes for you
to talk to me , hug me , or look at me even .. like i'm annoying you ,
a big bother in your life ..
well im sorry . im really sorry , for whatever it is that i've done to you .
i can't remember ever hurting you ... i could never to that to you .
i don't know ... i've given up . on everything . you've hurt me so bad ,
but i still keep coming back to you .
and i'm not asking for a pity party or sympathy . i dont want that ,
trust me . i don't feel sorry or myself . i just want the truth ...
and i want it to make sense . the real reasoning behind this .
i miss you . i miss the way it felt to be around you , fun , carefree ...
and now i always feel like i have to watch everything i say or do ,
so i don't turn you off all of a sudden . so i don't bother you .
.. why should any friendship be like that ? i dont understand .
and now your leaving . i wanted to fix it before then - hell i've
been wanted to fix it for months - but i guess your just not interested in that ...
but i guess i get some of it now . not the reasoning , but i get it .
you don;t want this friendship anymore . it took me long enough to take it in .
to accept it . to realize .
and if that really is the truth then so be it . i don't want to be a big annoyance
in your life . i want you to be happy . i'm sorry for wasting your time ..
i love you .

.

i am so incredibly tired of everything . end of story . i give up .

hellogoodbye -

i honestly cannot believe the school year is over. holy shit , grade eight ... it's gone . it went by so fast , i honestly couldn't keep up . so much happened , like too much ... it was all too much to take in , and the next thing you know your in a long black gown and fancy clothes , sitting there thinking about how your already a graduate . all the memories in that school ... damn . 10 years , it's been 10 years . i grew up there , that school raised me . good and bad , thick and thin , been through it all in that school , with everyone . i miss it like mad already , but in ways i don't . i wanted to leave but i didnt ... i don't even know . i'm still trying to get over the fact that it's over . everyone bawled like crazy on the last day , yes me too ... but for so many reasons . i think we all cried so much because at that moment it just hit us , and it hasn't even hit some people yet . some aren't even emotional about it , but hey i guess im pretty soft . it's hard not to be , i don't want to let go of it , because i know for sure that school kept us together . in high school , when we're free to go our separate ways , when we don't have to see the same people everyday , don't you think people will fall apart ? of course they will . the only reason most of us are still all together this year is because we have to see each other everyday , the school kept us together and everyone cared . high school makes you cold , people aren't going to care half as much or give two shits about your stupid drama ... basically , we're all going to go wherever we choose . we're going to find other interests and other people , and we might never be the same with those people that we were once so close to , and i seriously hate to say that . i dont think i will though . and it doesn't always happen on purpose either . other things ... idk . i really wish they would be like they used to . damn i miss the good old days , like last year . like i was just thinking , canada day is in like 2 days ... and last year ( around canada day )we were already having the best summertime ever ... we were all good & we spent our canada day doing the most fun things ever . now i'm thinking , it's not going to be anything like that this year . so much changed , i don't think we'll ever get another taste of that . fuck i miss it . i miss not worrying about everything all the time , being carefree . i looked forward to summer 09 thinking it would be like last year - missioning around , sitting on the curb eating freezies , jolt & sour belts . just little things like that that made summer the best . idk ... ugh . and somethings ... i don't even know . like i'm sorry , but your really an ass . it's the truth , and incase you forgot what i told you let me refresh your memory ; " she's a one in a million , your never going to find another like her ; she's amazing . don't let her go , or you'll loose her for good . " but of course you didn't listen . now look what you got yourself into . ugh im done with that . im tired of you . & greeeat , just to make my summer even better , my bestfriend will be half way across the friggen world the entire time . lovely , like i was looking forward to at least spending it with her . i had a lot planned & again i wanted it to be like last year . it was the best . damn i'm gonna miss her , i think i should just get a job since there's nothing else to do . & another one of my bestfriends is leavig also . laaaaaaaaaaaavely , no ? oh yes . i caaaaan't wait . so much for my summer ? yeah .