♫♥

The night is deafening when the silence is listening
And I'm down and my knees, and I know that something is missing.
Because the back of my mind is holding things I'm relying in
But I choose to ignore it because I'm always denying them

I'm a bit of a manic when it's not as I plan it
Cause I start losing my head and then I get up in a panic
Remember when we were kids and always knew when to quit it
Are we denying a crisis or are we scared of admitting it?

I don't want to know

I just want to run to you
And break off the chains, and throw them away
I just want to be so much
And shake off the dust that turned me to rust
Sooner than later, I need a savior, I need a saviour

It won't ever change if you want it to stay the same
I really hate it but I know it's hard to choose if you're chained
And when it's all you control cause you've got nothing left to hold
You're getting tighter and tighter, it's getting harder to let it go

I don't want to know

I just want to run to you
And break off the chains, and throw them away
I just want to be so much
And shake off the dust that turned me to rust
Sooner than later, I need a saviour
I need a saviour

Stand me up and maybe I won't be so small
Free my hands a feet and maybe I won't always fall...
save me

..

i know you lied to me ..
you didn't have to , you could have just told me ..
and you could have just told me you wanted me out of your life from the start .
i can take that . its hard , but i can .
what i can't take is how you always found it so easy to shut me out .
leave me confused .
it hurts , in case you didn't know ..
i thought we were close , but i guess you just don't feel the same .
and as always , i just wanted your friendship . i never did you wrong ,
i've never been mad at you or said one bad thing about you in my life .
so why did you do it ?
why do you shut me out ?
why did you have to hurt me like that ?
i was there for you ... through it all . it's been rough but we stuck together ,
i've done everything i can to fix what's been happening for a year .
i didn't have to help like i did ,
but i did it because i love you . not because i wanted something in return .
i did it because you mean the world to me ... you can deny it but i know i put you
first before anybody in my life ... him . my family . myself . your first ,
always .
i thought you knew that . & i thought you cared , but it just doesn't feel like it .
if there was a reason for all of this ... a real good one ... i would have fixed it
by now . i can understand if i did something wrong to you
or hurt you but i have no idea what it is . and if its something silly ...
im only human , i can't be perfect . i could have gotten mad at you
for all of this ... but i dont want to . i just want to make it better ,
find out what's bothering you . and i've never bad mouthed you , ever .
and i'm so tired of trying to win back a friendship that i've already earned ...
that i thought we had . why am i struggling to keep our friendship when you seem like
you don't even want it anymore ? because i can't let go of you , like i said you mean so much to me .
why am i struggling to keep our friendship
strong , against others that you always said never mattered ?
... and now they're so important . that confuses me .
all the things you said about them to me ... and now you choose them over me ...
im not jealous i just don't understand .
and why let some of them make decisions for you ? .. you were never like that ..
im not mad . i've never been mad at you ... but why do you play games with
my head like that ? and you've chosen such awful times to do it too .
and then you say its nothing and dont want to talk about it when i try to solve it .
do you really not want my friendship that badly ... ? .. please just tell me . it's literally killing me .
i just want you to be happy .. and it feels like its a chore sometimes for you
to talk to me , hug me , or look at me even .. like i'm annoying you ,
a big bother in your life ..
well im sorry . im really sorry , for whatever it is that i've done to you .
i can't remember ever hurting you ... i could never to that to you .
i don't know ... i've given up . on everything . you've hurt me so bad ,
but i still keep coming back to you .
and i'm not asking for a pity party or sympathy . i dont want that ,
trust me . i don't feel sorry or myself . i just want the truth ...
and i want it to make sense . the real reasoning behind this .
i miss you . i miss the way it felt to be around you , fun , carefree ...
and now i always feel like i have to watch everything i say or do ,
so i don't turn you off all of a sudden . so i don't bother you .
.. why should any friendship be like that ? i dont understand .
and now your leaving . i wanted to fix it before then - hell i've
been wanted to fix it for months - but i guess your just not interested in that ...
but i guess i get some of it now . not the reasoning , but i get it .
you don;t want this friendship anymore . it took me long enough to take it in .
to accept it . to realize .
and if that really is the truth then so be it . i don't want to be a big annoyance
in your life . i want you to be happy . i'm sorry for wasting your time ..
i love you .