been a while ,

so i haven't written in like forever , i haven't found the time to i guess ? but right about now it's pouring and i have nothing else to do , so i shall blab . wow i haven't caught up on so many things , i didn't even write after quebec , which was live ! it was amazing and i miss it so much . even the stairs , simon , & the long bus rides ... like idk , just with friends and everything . and it's so different up there , like cobblestone buildings and narrow streets - it's gorgeous . 20 albums ! geeeez ahah . oh and carassauga , that was pretty live too , wooooh buko pandan makes my life . lmfao , busing to everywhere ? yuuuh handicap shuttle buses ftw . saw a lot of people . yeeeah , fuuuuuntaaaangs , can't wait til next year's ahah . anywho , i guess a lot of other things have happened , too many to think of right now . & like i mean with everything . some people just don't know what to do with themselves anymore , or anyone for that matter . they don't appreciate something so amazing , so hard to find , and come crying literally everytime because they're afraid they're losing it . well sorry sweetheart , that's your own fault , not someone else's . your clearly the confused one here so please get your head straight and stop messing up everyone else's . yeeeah . mmmm and that , yeah , you . damn i expected better from you ! i honestly thought you had toooons more class than that . like i'm sorry but thats just down right dirty , i think i'm like scarred for life . i thought you were done with that waste ? eugh . anyways ... geez i'm blabbing like mad ahah . mmm , school's almost over ? wow . i honestly cannot take that in . i remember thinking how far away grad is and all , and highschool too . now it's like , here . i remember every single detail from december 07 to now . after it everything started to fly by so fast . things changed , with everyone i guess . like september to now ... damn . it was like 10 months ago ... wow . almost a year ? almost a year since the beginning of grade 8 ? i still can't believe it . cause i really remember everything like it was last month . so many things have happened , being in the middle of it all ... and actually being a part of a lot of it ... i guess it changed a lot of friendships and stuff too , relationships . do i have regrets ? no , no regrets . because everything that's happened has made me , and all of us stronger in ways i guess . even if it's bad , something like it's gonna happen sooner or later , and when it gets really bad we'll be ready for it . for change . departing and everything . alright maybe not departing i'm not so good with that . anywaaays , wow that was a long blab session . i have more on my mind , but maybe i should stop now LOL . i'll write more often ,

breathe ,

" i climb , i slip , i fall
reaching for your hands ,
but i lay here all alone
sweating all your blood .

if i could find out how
to make you listen now ;
because i'm starving for you here ,
with my undying love .
& i , i will .

breathe for love tomorrow ,
cause there's no hope for today .
breathe for love tomorrow ,
cause maybe there's another way , "

maybe i was wrong .

i can't say this isn't my problem ,
because i did more than stand by and watch everything
happen for the past - yes - almost year . 10 months ? 11 ?
and maybe i do wish i could turn back the hands of time and help you fix those problems , those things that are so much more clear now .
but even if i could ,
i wouldn't .
because you wouldn't be where you are now ; you wouldn't have the
kind of relationship you have now , you wouldn't know what you know now .
you wouldn't be strong .
and as much as i want to take away yourpain ,
at the same time i'd be taking away your strength .
you stuck it out for this long ,
that takes guts .
that takes faith . that takes what you've had in him all this time .
hope ; hope that one day he's gonna smack his head on something ,
turn the fuck around , and realize , what he has right in front of him .
what's been there from the start .
& i wish i could understand why he consistently throws it all away ,
for what ?
what does he have to lose but the most important person in his life ?
the one he " can't go a day without , "
the one he " trusts with his life , "
the one he loves .
i could never truly understand him if i tried ,
and all the decisions he's made .
from other girls at first , to not talking ...
and you , attempting to move on ... he wouldn't even let you do that .
your stuck ,
and that's unfair to you .
he's held you here for so long , got your hopes ^up ,
brought them _down ,
and still he won't let you go .
then he made a huge decision to keep it simple . stay as you were .
apparently he still couldn't live without you ,
and you couldn't live without him .
you both are nothing without each other ,
and he knows that . he feels that .
so enlighten me , someone , what is he doing ?
why does he continuously stall , make excuses like ' i dont want to hurt her '
then go and not talk to her for days at a time ?
that hurts , i'm sure he knows . and according to him that wasn't the plan .
so tell me , what is his plan ?
wait . keep that plan to yourself darling , cause last time i checked
your ' plan ' caused all this .
on a better note , the smarter half of you two has made a decision .
a break.
when everything crumbled , when no one knew what else to do ,
she said ; ' a break . '
honestly , i think that that's the best for the both of you .
time.
nothing heals like time , no ?