dec28

honestly , your so cold.
you really don't know what your doing to me, do you..
i don't even know how i feel anymore,
and i still have no idea what i'm waiting for,
why the hell i'm still here.
i keep saying your worth it, your worth it ..
but i'm not even worth anything to you ,
am i?
how can you not care, like at all?
you said that you do but shit ..
you've got a funny way of showing it.

3am

why can't you see me anymore ?
is it something, is it someone in the way?
cos i'll move them for you, you know i'll move a mountain for you.
why is it everyone but you? why can they see me , the good in me.
why can't i ever be good enough for the one that matters most?
why does everyone care so much.. but you, why do they all fight
for it so much; all but you. do you even think about it all like i do?
you don't realize it, but you can be so cold.
so many sides of you, keeping me up at night,
am i holding on too tight?
cause i feel you letting go.

dec26

christmas day was pretty fun,
after writing that last blog things actually got better on christmas eve.
its funny how some baileys and good friends visiting
and on msn/webcam can really just make it that much better lmao.
anyways, new DSLR , nikon D60. i'm really happy but i told my parents not to get me
anything -.- and an ipod to replace the stolen one. loveyoumom&dad , ahhaha.
anyways, boxing daaaaay omg. i'm so tired, sherway in the morning
then bus to square. 12 hours of shopping, my feet are super mad at me now >:|
ugh the holidays are going by way too fast for my liking, w/e.

xmaseve.

well , this christmas eve sort of sucked.
yeah i don't know what it is this year but no
matter what i do it just doesn't feel like christmas :/
just felt like my fam was at my house randomly tonight.
it was good seeing everyone though.
and this break is going by a little too fast for my liking,
i've hardly even done anything yet .
i miss that christmas feeling when your a kid and you get all excited,
sigh - w/e.
hopefully christmas day will be much better (yn)

.gniknis

that _sinking feeling in your chest really is real, isn't it?
and that t e a r i n g apart, inside you. like your being
torn from something. but in this case at least ;
someone.
you just can't take your mind off of it,
no matter how much you smile, or do something to keep you
occupied it's just always there, nagging in the back of your mind.
all your thoughts are infected, and it takes over your life day to day.
even though your here it's like your not, and it's killing me.
i could forget about you,
but something about you just won't let me let you go.
something about you has had me holding on through all of this,
no matter what you say i just keep running back to you.
and it's not even that charm you have.
it's deeper than that.
but i thought i understood you, actually i do understand you.
more than anyone else really does.
and you know it too .. did you forget about that?
& did you forget about how you didn't want to l o s e me?
well i kept my promise,
cause even after everything, i'm still here. and i always will be.
even if i don't mean what i used to to you.
i know that when everyone else in the world walks out on you,
i'll be walking in. cause i'm the only one that really tried to understand every word you say,
everything you do. your not shallow, your deeper than the ocean.
and some things are so far down i still can't see them.
and everything that's happening.. i' m not floating anymore,
nevermind swimming.
i'm drowning , and sinking slowly.
i'm lost and i don't even know where to go anymore, caught in your undertow.
i'm fine with friends, i guess. but why does it have to be like this?
so on and off , driving me crazy.
to be honest, with you 'good enough' and my name will never be in the same sentence.
why did it all end so fast?

impossible.

I wish that I can give you e v e r y t h i n g you been wanting
But you make it so hard cos you want ^all or _nothing
And I can't do the impossible
What you want from me is impossible
I love you but
You never wanna give and take you want things your way
And I ain't gon do it all you gotta come half way
Cos I can't do the impossible
Loving you is next to impossible.

blameitontheRAIN.

You got me caught in all this mess
I guess we can Blame it on the Rain
My pain is knowing I can't have you

Tell me, does she look at you the way I do,
Try and understand the words you say
and the way you m o v e ?
Does she get the same big rush
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush
Tell me am I crazy, am I crazy?

I catch my breath
The one you took the moment you entered the room
My heart it b r e a k s at the thought of her holding you.

dec23

'everyone in your life is going to hurt you at some point in time, you just have to figure out who's worth the pain. '

i'm still hurting, but your still worth it.

lightsoff.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
it's you that I'm missing
it's like my brain is wired up
and there's a glitch in my system
you're like a drug and now my blood won't stop itching
I'm in critical condition
someone let me out of this prison
it's like my mind is playing tricks on me lately
I could of sworn that you are still my baby
I'm on a merry-go-round
going around, driving me c r a z y

That's why it feels like
losing you is like somebody just
turned all the lights off
won't somebody, anybody
please just turn the lights on
I won't take one step
I can't see what's coming next
losing you is like somebody just
turned all the lights off
can't see at all
cause it's like somebody just turned all the lights off

I don't understand how one minute I just had it all
now I can't reach you cos I'm tied up
with this straight jacket on
I can't b r e a t h e
I can't see
it's like my mind is playing tricks on me lately
I could of sworn that you are still my baby
I'm on a merry-go-round
going around, driving me crazy

Used to see my world in color
when you left me it's like my world turned gray
turn my winter into summer
why won't you help me turn night to day
I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think at all
honestly it feels like I ain't living no more
can't say no more, can't see no more

well hello again.

well,
it's been a while.
okay longer than a while. i haven't blogged in timeeeeeee.
i think the last was like summer?
w/e. it's nearly like christmas now,
and idk what to say, theres too much to say really.
so many things have happened since school started,
holy i don't even know where to begin.
actually, i'm not gonna go there.
there's literally not enough space or time to write it all out.
all i can say is, highschool is nothing like i expected.
you'd never think how quickly you can become close to people,
and how quickly you can loose them too.
like you've gone through an entire friendship cycle with someone in just a few months.
so many things have changed, and i'm starting to dislike it. alot.
nothing can stay good for a while. it was all good when we didn't know much about eachother,
and everyone was pretty much happy. i swear we walk around like zombies nowadays,
just waiting for the say to be over. but w/e , it's the holidays now.
i really needed the break more than ever.
i can't complain with a lot of things though. earlier this school year i got a lot of things off
my shoulders, finally. and i'm doing just fine without it, i'm a lot happier.
now there are other things to deal with, but i'm just living life day by day,
no other way to do it ahaa
it was so good for that time being, it's like i had it all together.
and i still can't let go.
but for the most part, all i can say is
i tried.