aha booked week ?

wow looootsa things this week .
mmm confirmation !
yeah it wasn't so bad , LOL i was nervous .
everyone was , it was pretty hilarious watching
everyone being super stiff hahah . yeah , and
it was uber amazing that i fell on my way out the door ,
no ? ahah i'm a klutz . me + heels = disaster .
anyways , yeah it was fun . lots of pictures .
but like , 8 months of preperation for an hour ? woooooh .
hmmm , HELLO AKON ! ♥
aha , yeeah his concert was amazing , thanks for
taking me , bhess !
yeah so daga caught his friggen towel haah ,
we had floor , and were just a few people away from him .
karl wolf opened , also amazing .
it was life .
anywhooo , yeah we actually went to school today ,
the day after the concert . aha wow i couldn't even function LOL .
whatever it was wooorth it !
mmmmm yeah , quebec soontimes .
wonder how it'll turn out ? good i hope . ( yn )
geeeez so many rules , we might as well be on leashes .
and the dress code ? omfg . -____-
ahah for grad too . so gay .
anyways , wooo yess , finally that whole thing is pretty much solved ?
well things are definitely clearer now , no ? (;
glad you had the guts to do that aha .
really makes me happy to see her happy , and not confused as hell .
i was almost at the point where i didnt know what to say anymore ,
i ran out of things to say ; and those things just didn't fit anymore
cause you made it real confusing . but again , you had the guts to
make it right , so good job !
it can only go one way from now on , ( y )

tgif .

my bad , i never blogged about what happened wednesday .
weeeeeell , it was loooads of fun . yeah okay ,
fml , it was gay as hell . i don't even want to talk about it ,
it's stupid . and i bet she gets paid 85984 dollars an hour for that
crap too . aha i didn't even know she existed in the school ?
oh , and apparently " several people , both guys and girls " snitched ?
mmmhmm , cause they were , " oh so concerned . " well are you
oh so fucking concerned now , that i'm under friggen surveillance ?
a microscope ? good to know cupcake , cause this is the way it's gonna be .
hope your happy , whoever you are .
anywhooo , wow way to ruin my grad already ?
kay , not completely ruin , but that did get me a little pissed off .
especially since you've known about it for a long time now ... i got it first , sorry .
woooooh anyways , it's fridaaaaaay . & sunny , (L)

" lately i've been tired and uninspired . "

^ mmmm yeah , it's true . tired of alot of things , i'm not putting up with it anymore .
haven't blogged for a few days .
idk , not muuuuch has happened since ,
except the 'thing' is happening tomorrow .
woooooh i can't wait , one hour of missed class time for
a load of BULLSHIT . greeeeat (y)
i was kinda scared of leaving slr and all before ,
like i really didn't want to go to highschool .
now it's like the teachers are pushing us away with all this shit ,
i hardly have a reason to want to be there anymore .
in my opinion they took this too far ;
there's concerned , and then there's just fucking annoying .
i mean again , when it's coming from certain people it's okay ,
but the teachers ... yeah it's just getting on my nerves .
sorry i'm no perfect angel , thought you woulda figured it out by now .
aaaaaanywho , whatever . what happens , happens . ( yn )
mmm and a few other things , lmfao .
i really didn't think you'd have the nerve to do that .
your really asking for it , and your taking advantage of me now .
then your still throwing yourself a pity party ? pleeease ,
grow up . it's been worse ! don't be an attention seeker .
no one's gonna cry with you , cause we've all been there .
harsh , alright sure . but i'm tired of being so nice about it all ,
and letting it go . not with everything , but that one thing ,
honestly , that's all it takes , and i' m gone .
i really wasn't kidding when i said i'm fucking tired of it all ,
and i'm done with being nice to the whole world .
mmmm , one more thing .
child , your honestly the most confusing kid i know . please ,
do the world a favour and make up your mind !
your hurting , so is she , what in God's name are you doing ?
you say friends is better , we shouldn't be together ;
and now you can' t even do that ?
and if she tires to move on , you won't let it happen either .
what do you think she's made out of ? stone ?!
please get your head straight before making anymore drastic desicions .
i thought you learned your lesson the first time you did that .
cause if you can't even figure yourself out ,
how can you make this better ?

- yeah i vent a lot .

omfg .

get the fuck off my case already !
jesus christ there's nothing wrong with me or any of them holy shit !
uggghhhh so godamn annoying , get out of my life
and leave me the fuck alone . it doesn't sound like me ,
so i've been told , but i don't give a fuck i'll do what i want ,
tyvm . i know whats best for myself ,
because i am myself . so fuck off .
i know your 'concerned' , but i'm still breathing ,
am i not ? god . it's okay if some people say something ,
but your not the friggen people i want to hear it from .
and stop watching me like a hawk omfg !
and , 'no you have to come home before you go out so you can ___ .'
OMG .
and no , i'm sorry , he DOES NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS .
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU EVEN SAY THAT ?!
& CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR SPAZZING AT YOU ?
and taking that away ? do you never want to see me again or something ?

cause that's what your asking for ,

fml ,

today ... was fucked .
yeah , it's my bf's birthday, and yeah it's our three months ,
which is great <3 ,
but fuck everything else about today .
& the end of yesterday .
... and this whole thing in general .
it's like i'm honestly under surveillance now ;
and need ' help ' . >:/ yeah okay .
i really thought things were getting better
and i could end this whole thing ... ?
then it blew up before i could .
i already couldn't control it , it wasn't really me anymore ,
making those 'descisions .' someone else that became me .
idk .
so now , do they really think i'm going to talk to some fucking
stranger about this ? don't bother wasting your time sweetheart ,
you're not getting a thing out of me .
do these people get paid for asking robotic questions to kids every single time ?
'cause i highly doubt i'm the only one that isn't gonna say shit .
aha yeah , about that , i'm not the only one either .
some i was like , ' kay i swear your good why are they putting you through that crap too ? '
the others , ' meh . idk . idc . '
they talked to me more than the others though , which was really ... idk frustrating
and weird . both your teachers , (who also both called your parents) ,
lecturing you and telling you they're 'concerned' ,
and how one of them almost called friggen 911 . idk ugh .
wow i'm really blabbing .
anyways , i honestly hate hearing the same stupid thing over and over and over again ,
and in the same friggen day too , from four different people ... kay maybe more .
' no quebec for you if this doesnt change / you seek help '
yeeeeeah .
idk probably going to vent more about this later ,

best ,

it hurts me more than you think to watch you crumble ,
i hate it .
i hate when you smile , that plaster .
'cause i'm the only one that sees past it ;
that sees whats hiding behind your mask .
i may not know entirely what you feel , but
i feel your pain ; when you hurt i hurt .
this all was unexpected , for you and for me .
i feel so helpless , to sit back and watch it all fall apart .
i wasn't prepared for it to go down like that .
i wasn't prepared for it to end so fast ,
and i try to find every reason to say that it's not over ,
and there's still hope , still time for you .
because i know your ready to give up .
to shatter the mirror ,
to fall on your hands and knees ,
broken glass , replacing another's fingers in between yours .
but still your not alone . i'm here , and i always will be .
if you decide to go ; go . you need time , i know .
i did too , once .
but no matter how far you go , still , i'm here .
and somehow , i know it will get better .
i promise best ,
til the end . ♥

fucker

aha , wooooo so apparently someone's gon get
superduper rushed ;
and apparently he didn't learn his
fucking lesson the first time .
aha buddy , don't get too comfortable ,
your really asking for it .
do you really think you'd get away with what
you did to me in the first place ?
it's called r-e-s-p-e-c-t ,
i guess i should know that i have to spell it out for you by now .
( that was RESPECT , incase you've failed to notice .
you always were fucked in the head anyways . )
so if it hasn't kicked in by now ,
you really should stop being a pedophile , and quit tryna get at little girls .
there is a high awareness of STDS and HIV these days , girls know about it , haha .
and i'm sorry , that's just not hot buddy .
we don't need 3/4 of the female population being infected . k thanks .
( i know you've tried to fuck at least 1/2 . )
anywho , give it up buddy . your fucked.

=)

.

crimson , crawling .
my heart throbs behind my skin ;
pulse , beating slow .
torn , but still alive .
searching for a reason .
still breathing, for you .
every breath with more struggle ,
more effort .
i am aching, for you .
for your arms ; my cradle where i may fall.
i fall into your eyes ;
your neverending eyes .
they've never let me _sink so deep ,
the undertow refusing to let me surface ;
finally , i am here again .
where there is comfort , but i am not whole .
where i can rid of this mask ;
unravel.
where i am numb .
i am lost ;
never , do i want to be found.